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As she readied herself for the party, she also thought about moving back to West Hartford, not with her family, as she couldn’t stay there anyway, but near her old college. She was happiest there too, and trying to relocate to happiness had a futile ring to it, but she no longer cared for misery either. A woman can’t simply be happy. A woman can’t search for it either. For her happiness either just came or didn’t no matter where she went. Such was the female poet’s dilemma. While she pushed herself to greater heights, there was always something weighing her down, dragging her below the earth no matter how hard she tried. It seemed to her like an odd paradox—the more intense the search, the farther happiness moved away. It had been this way ever since the incident in front of her home. It took suffering to realize these paradoxes, as though the incident, still fresh in her memory, balanced out what would normally be a graceful, fulfilling life lived with her poetry. She didn’t. I straightened her legs then sat near her head, pulling it into my lap. She had a shallow cut just above the hairline that had caused the blood. I felt carefully around her head and found a large swollen bump behind her right ear. I suspected that was the cause of her silence. I sat there, lightly stroking her hair, hoping she would wake up and share the disaster. The ground had a gradual slope to it. Uphill was behind me, toward the row of seats. My feet were pointing downhill. It would be easier for someone to find us if we stayed with the wreck or what’s left of the wreck. If not, walking down seemed more reasonable than walking up. I looked up at the sky, or where the sky broke through the trees. I didn’t have high hopes an aerial search would be effective. Maybe the rest of the plane, wherever it was, was more visible. It couldn’t be too far away. Coherent thoughts returned to me, and I fished my phone out of my pocket. My usual bars were replaced by ‘no service.’ I tried.
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